the fact that I'll be leaving the sanctuary of my room, the safeness of my mother's protection, and the comfort of the schedule I'm so used to for so many years for a world of unknown characteristics while so full of weariness I face it all alone.. alone in the sense of independence, and completely without my training wheels any longer, I fly out of my mother's nest to handle my first real job, a career in its own for the next 6 long years.

Fear has settled all over me... every pore, every vestibule of my body touched by it, so much so, it radiates out of my skin to fill the room that I'm sitting in like a rotten smell decaying all of life surrounding it. I fear so much of failure and everything that goes with it that it drives me to try and reach my capacity, succeed, and then just black out, to hopefully wake up the next day with shimmering sunshine beating down on my face.

I guess I'm just scared now, more than ever, to the fact that I'm leaving this place, one that I have said to "hate" for so long....one that is the most familiar of them all... to the cold depths of a place that reaches -10 degrees where I am going to be responsible and held accountable for every single action and word that comes out of my mouth, something I am completely not used to... it's not a game anymore, it's not a stepping stone into the world, or training like school, it is the world itself staring me right in my face... and the scary part is to face it all... alone....